Monday, May 02, 2005
The Fat Lady Sang
Its all over. Ashanti dumped (and thumped) Nigel. Good for her, but talk about a scene, practically the whole street came out the front doors at the ruckus. It all happened a few hours ago - I could see the kids were locked out in the garden and the Dido album came on, which could only mean one thing - shag time.
The last few weeks I've learnt to dread the sound of Dido's crooning, as its not long before the dresser and walls are rattling. I was about to grab Tia Marie and take her out the house to get a can of Prince's Jumbo Hotdogs from the corner shop for tea. Seconds later there was a loud scream and Dido screeched off.
The walls are thin at the best of times, but 'Shanti was so loud I didn't need to put me ear to it. "You dirty bastard! You effin' wacker! Look at it! Look at it! Dirty bastard! Get your hands off me! I'll give you, you loves me *THUMP* Get out! Get out! You said you loved me!" I heard her screaming - then I heard our Nigel shouting back - "I does loves you love, you know I does - she never meant a thing, you know's I feckin' loves you."
Next thing I hear is a thump, thump, thump (Nigel rolling down the stairs as it turns out) and the kids in the back yard are screaming and Nigel's screaming and Ashanti's throwing stuff out the window (by which time I'm in the garden and the neigbours are on doorstops.) More screaming, Ashanti bitchslaps him some, joined by the kids and next thing Nigel's running for his life clutching some clothes and his trousers, blood dripping from nose and lips. I don't mind saying it was a fitting departure for the little weasel.
So, I manages to calm her down with some Vodka and Ice Cream. Turns he went on his own to the Grandslam 2005 celebration party at the Millennium Stadium today. Ashanti wasn't quite up to it, she's still wobbly on her feet. Anyways, he comes in pissed up and huggy, and Ashanti's got an itchy one, so they get to it.
That's when she found it. Lipstick. Lipstick where it shouldn't have been. A ring of it in fact - and that's what sparked it all off. She's gone back to bed now - I can hear her singing drunkenly through the wall - Gloria Gaynor, I Will Survive. And when the fat lady sings - I goes to bed.
Posted by Chav Mum at 10:26 PM
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