Thursday, January 24, 2008
Back In The Swing Of Things
After our fun in Turkey, it felt good to be back in my Ely with my family. Lush looked fatter as Nanna'd got her onto chips and gravy, which she loves. She also likes a bit of mushy peas so well into her veg. So I was right to leave when my post-natal depression was at its worst. She was in the safe hands of Nanna.
She got Lush to sleep right through the night by giving her just a tiny drop of gin every night. Apparently it worked on me when I was little and we know it didn't do me no harm, so stuff what the Health Visitor says. She knows nothing. If she threatens to contact Social Services one more time I swear I'll head-butt her and that'll shut her up.
It took a while for Lush to recognise me. She screamed when I walked through the door as though I was some kind of monster, instead of the glamorous world-travelled tanned bird that was the real me. I suppose she'd never seen me with a nice orange tan so she can't be blamed. But once I'd sat down, opened a tin of beer, lit a fag and yelled a bit I think she got fond memories of when she was in me belly, gave me a nice big smile and went into a dreamy sleep.
Tia was so excited to show me her new tattoo of Kylie. Her mate Courtney's dad, Buster, just taught himself how to be a tattoo artist. He's very creative and talented. She was playing round there one day, and he'd just finished designing a tattoo of Kylie, which he offered to practise on Tia for free. It was so kind of him as it would have cost a lot and she couldn't have afforded it with her pocket money.
All that goes on downloading ring-tones on her pink mobile and texting photos of her Bratz and pink ponies to her mates. She said it hurt when he did the tattoo but she had a bottle Calpol to get her through it without moving. I was so proud of her when she told me. Unfortunately Buster was a bit pissed (to ease his nerves) so he forgot one of Kylie's arms, but it just looks as though she's holding something behind her back.
Tyson grunted when he saw me. I knew he was hiding his emotions and wanted to give me a big hug. He muttered something about needing fags and cash, as he'd run out of dope. He said he'd had to get stoned every day when I was away as he'd missed me so much. He'd had to block out the pain. I was so touched I gave him some lovely Turkish stuff I'd nicked off Ali and hidden up my fanny in a kitchen glove (it was all I could find when we were making our escape) so I got it past customs no problem.
Nanna was happy to see me. We celebrated my return by going out for some bingo followed by a kebab. I wanted to give her a taste of the culture I'd experienced.
It was good to be back to grey sky, dirty pavements, white sliced bread and margarine (none of that weird green olive oil that looks like snot). And the fags are better over here even if they are expensive. But Nanna's mate Ron gets them cheap so it's not too bad.
My 1st trip back to Lidls in months was like paradise. Lush sat in the trolley with her bottle I'd top up occasionally with Fanta from the shelf. They even had that funny humus stuff in there.
Ashanti took a while to find all her kids when she got back, but managed to track them down with the help of Social and the police. So we were well happy.
Posted by Chav Mum at 11:06 AM
4 Comments:
I'm sorry love but your soooo transparent it's unreal!!!!
This blog is so fake and put on!!! Your obviously very bored and are trying to create something your not!!! I'm a bit of a chav me self n i say a bit coz i'm not totally behind it or proud of it! but i know me roots and on that note i can honestly say your pulling all of this out of your
arse, i know chavs i live with loads of them and their no where near this scummy!!! druggies and dumb slags are this sort of scum so if you are what you say you are then may i suggest something and change your title to "gullible dumb slag" then this blog of yours would be alot easier to swallow. Even though your so incredibly fake.
Fake? Your Burberry is faker than my life. Splott Market one hundred percent love. I lives it, you dreams it. I's not sure if I's gullible or not, the doctor thinks I'm over the worst of it. Enough of the hating alright?
U knowz it clart.
Obviously its not real whoevers like 'bla bla bla imma a bit of a chav meself' but its a funny read. Get a sense of humour, yeah?
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