Wednesday, August 24, 2005
The Big Wedding
Ashanti's sister is getting married again at the weekend, so I was looking at some of the photos from her last wedding to get some ideas about what to wear to the do.
She's getting married at the church on the roundabout. I don't think any of them are religious, but she told the vicar she'd get her other kids to stop trying to steal the brassware if they let her get married there. Still, its nice and local and then onto The Michaelston for the reception of chips and stella in the beer garden.
She's not quite as gone as she was at the last wedding, but funnily she'll also be wearing white again. The grooms family are quite high-class by the sound of things. His mam was last caught shop-lifting in Marks And Spencers and his dad has been on the Council parks rounds for years. Good steady employment.
We're a bit short this month so it's kit from Primark. I'm hoping to recreate the look of the burgundy lady on the left (one of Ashanti's cousins), for about £20. Tia already has her posh suit so she's alright, but I'm just wondering about a matching baseball cap for her. I'm not sure they do Burberry caps that small, but we'll look at Splott Car Boot tomorrow.
Tyson will be wearing his best court suit, the one with the snappy turn-up collars and rolled up sleeves. He looks handsome with that on and all his bling. He didn't want to go, but apparently Cherelle from school is going and his mate Brandon told him she fancied him - so he thinks he's on a promise.
I couldn't help laughing my head off at the this last photo of her second husband's family. Spot the obvious fashion balls up going on in this group photo.
That's it, you've spotted it haven't you. The groom's wearing brown shoes with a grey suit. What a knob. I don't think he's invited to this wedding. He's not up for parole for another year.
Ah well, lots to do, lots of planning and stuff. Lunch for Tia then down the Post Office to cash the Child Benefit. A woman's work is never done...
Monday, August 15, 2005
Shazza's Big Weekend
Bleargh, still feelin' a bit ill from the weekend. We went down by City Hall, getting pissed and pissed on whilst at the Big Weekend to see our childhood sweetheart Chesney 'You Is The One & Only' Hawkes.
Well me and Ashanti took the kids down, and let 'em loose on the funfair whilst we watched the music. I don't know what happened, but they all came back pissed, and me and 'Shants hadn't let them take beer. Even Tia came back wobbly. I dunno how as the Fairground was supposed to be alcohol free!
We was pissed by then anyways, I'd spent the last of this week's child benefit on a couple of big Lambrini bottles which we necked waiting for the legend to come on the stage.
We'd both been moist for the Hawkes when we was younger girls. I'd never got to see him then so was excited about this. Ashanti wanted to throw her knickers, but they had crusted up a bit so she declined as they would have had his head off - they'd have been like a big boomerang!
He was great, although there wasn't that big a crowd watching by then. We tried to get back stage, but they were very strict the security, even when Ashanti offered to drop on one there and then. Poor bloke looked terrified, he even called for back-up.
After Chesney finished, and we'd finished swooning we let the kids find their own ways home on the bus, and we slinked off to Kiwis for some dancing and drinking. We both copped off and got taken for a slap-up Kebab in Riverside, followed by a quick how's you father round the back lane of Neville Street (at least I think it was.) Didn't get the number but was grateful for the attention and the free booze.
I would have said the free meal as well but I was sick the rest of the weekend. I think the kebab must have been a bit off. That ruined the whole weekend for me, as I spent most of it on the shitter, feelin' sorry for meself, but strangely satisfied as well. Ah well, there's always next weekend to look forward too.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Bingo Queen
I spotted some interesting news about arch-slapper and Chav Mum favourite Kerry 'Atomic' Katona, is to become the new face of Bingo. I don't quite understand why Bingo needs to be re-launched or needs a shrill Scouse Chavette as its new Queen, turn up at the Castle in Canton any night of the week and you'll see its pretty much full.
But if Bono or Robbie Williams wants to turn up, call my numbers and take me to the 'House!' then that's all well and good. It's not the looks 'cos they're a pair of mingers, but I'd prepared to drop me standards (and frillies) for their money. Still, its nice to know Bono gets the time to play bingo what with his campaign to make Africans buy U2 albums, so good luck to him!
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Barry Island Here We Come!
I dunno, the joys of the summer holidays. I should be complaining about the kids being home and under me feet for six weeks, but to be honest it's not that much different to term time what with Tyson either mitchin' off or Tia having problems with her ankles aching from carrying those extra stones of puppy fat around.
It's not like the Boardies are up to much these days, the last one that came around knockin' about Tyson ended up getting something else knockin', if you know what I mean - nudge, nudge. Like Tyson, he was forthwith known by his absence. Pah, could have at least left a fiver to buy some fags or something as a means of gratitude for not embarrassing him about his hasty performance. Poor bloke probably wasn't used to a real woman haha!
Anyway, there's bugger all for the kids to do. Ashanti's lot have already caused near riots and vandalised all the telephone boxes in the area. There's not much for the poor buggers left to smash so we're going to take them and mine out to our favourite get away at Barry Island.
The town of Barry is owned by Mr Hyper Value, which is probably why it's the Chav capital of South Wales and why you can have such a nice day out for such a cheap price.
Tia's practically frothing at the mouth because she knows I don't mind here chomping on the healthy burgers from our favourite Barry Island burger bar. I found the picture of it on the web - it's the little booth next to Ceaser's Palace Arcade - it's barely a hole in the wall but the cuisine is hot and healthy!
There speciality is the healthy cheese and pineapple burger. What a master stroke adding fruit to your burger. Not only is it healthy, it tastes delicious. No wonder Tia is so excited - she'll have had seven or eight of the quarter-pounders by the end of the afternoon.
Ok, I can hear Tyson's got the Saxo running so we's off. If you see anyone stuck on the road between Cardiff and Barry, looking in the hood of a two-tone metallic blue N Reg Saxo with wicked zorsts and mesh, its probably us. If there's smoke coming out of it as well, then its definitely us. Please stop and give us a lift or else Tia may eat the spare tyre in frustration! Man do we need a new car.
