Friday, October 28, 2005
Happy Birthday Cardiff - One Hundred Years Old Today
Well, let's all have a singalong - my home town is officially 100 years old today. There should be some fireworks tonight, Tia's excited about it. Its been an amazing hundred years.
I was never in school for history, but from what I remember, legend has it the city became a city after a great battle. 100 years ago, Prince Arthur of Bute Park holed up in Cardiff Castle as the invading Swansea Jack's Army tried to take control of the city. It fell to the original Cardiff City Soul Crew to beat them back.
This was back in the days before they spoke Welsh in Cardiff, and the Swansea Jacks Army came to make them speak Welsh so as they could be proper Welsh people. Cardiff's Soul Crew, led by Prince Arthur ended up fighting nail and tooth like them yobbos at the start of Gangs In New York, where Joe Pisces beats them all up with the baseball bats like.
There was no Stanley Knives back then so they had to fight each other with cudgels and armour. If you look closely at the walls of Cardiff Castle you can still see the bloodstains.
The Swansea Jacks Army was beaten back to the netherworld and the people of Cardiff were free to speak their native tongue of English. The great victory came at a cost. The leader of the Jacks cast a spell on the Soul Crew that made all their pet animals turn to stone.
To celebrate Cardiff granted itself city status and to pay tribute to the animals of the Soul Crew they was all mounted on the wall of Cardiff Castle where the sit, watching out for people from Swansea to this very day. This is why Caridff fans hate Swansea fans to this very day.
Its a sad story, and all the more ironic given the fact that now 90% of the population of Llandaff and Pontcanna in Cardiff speak Welsh as their first language, in it!
Happy Birthday Cardiff! Me and Ashanti will be out later to gives you some bumps. And I'm not saying where, for a reason.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
This Could Explain A Thing Or Two
According to a so called recent study, thin and thick women are more likely to be raving nymphos than uptight posh cows and fatties. That would certainly explain me and Jordan, but I can't help thinking they should have included Ashanti in it. It would have skewed their results a bit I think.
Ashanti's been at it hammer and tongs the last couple of nights. She picked up some bloke at Michaelston on Monday night and has not seen fit to introduce him yet. I think he's quite posh though as he leaves his R Reg Mondeo outside her house.
I'm a bit worried he has a child seat in the back though, Ashanti's not one for staying away from the married men. I'm pretty sure the bed broke last night, I heard a big crash through the wall last night on top of the shouts and groans.
But I digress, this study can't be right, me Jordan and Ashanti are all mams, me and J are skinny and Ashanti's very big. Extra big. But we is all hot and bothered and at it at every given opportunity.
However, it would explain why Ann Widdecome and Theresa May are so uptight. Maybe Jordan could lend them Peter for a day or two, he'd certainly do it for me.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Gavin Henson's Book Impresses Catherine Zeta Jones
Hold me back! My dream fella has been in the news a lot this last week with his new book. It's causing all sorts of problems for Rugby players everywhere as many have had to hire people to read it to them, just to see if their names were mentioned.I wonder if Gavin's finshed reading his book himself? Our Charlotte wants to hang on to him, when she brings out her book about shagging, they can double the amount of books on their shelf and look dead intellectual like.
But then I looks around a bit more today and oh no! Charlotte love - watch out! That Jack-madam Catherine Zeta Jones is after your man! I'm not kidding you. She may says she wants him to be in a film about Rugby, but don't trust her for one second.
We all knows she's probably a bit dusty down below what with only that old fella to keep her vital bits oiled and working. She's after some young firm flesh to blow the cobwebs out.
I'm telling you she'll have him around the back of the local Rugby Social Club before you can say "High Class Divorce Lawyer". I mean come on, if I was Gavin I would, if he's anything like the many men I've known. You should know that with your experiences of Ely men love.
Hollywood girl vs Ely girl, it could be a tough old slug fest. But if she kicks off, give her a quick punch to the guts and a Caerau kiss. Phwoop, sorted love.
Talking of young flesh. Rhidian. Just stop sending them emails, the answer is still no and will remain so.
Monday, October 24, 2005
The Empress' New Clothes
The more astute of you may notice I'm now sporting a nice new look here on my site. I've had my webmaster Dio slaving over a hot PC to pimp my site a bit more than the last dreary one. So far he's done the blog, and will get around to the rest of it soon.
I'm quite excited because as I have also sorted out some nice little treats which will be appearing, along with the rest of the new look site very shortly. Thanks Dio - I'm glad you talked me into doing this as its been a blast. One day I'll tell people how we met, then you can go hides your head in shame.
And Rhidian, you've had my answer, stop emailing me. You had your chance with the Shazza and you ballsed it up. Get over it.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
She Shoots, She Scores!
Ok, head's banging again and I've only just gotten out of bed after some heavy duty bucket filling. Tia's on tea and toast duty and the best I can manage is watching darts on the portable. But as Sara's so eager to hear I'll knock this out.
So got to Rumours last night, looked out for Rhidian - didn't see him so I got some drinks in for me and Ashanti (what - you didn't think I'd go alone did you. I may be thick, but I ain't stupid like.)
So I thinks he may be running a bit late, as he'd said he was going for a drink with the boys first like. Anyway, we sits and gasses a bit because we's both a bit pissed by now. Me and 'Shants was having a game of bingo first at the Castle and we had a £50 line plus a few of the cheapo boozes and was getting increasingly hammered.
So, we sits in the bar bit for a bit before going through to the club, until they moves us on. We go into the club which is starting to fills up a bit when I spots this couple in the corner going hammer and tongs. I spots them because she has the same Splott Market Von Dutch top as what I's got on. They come up for air and then I realise who the bloke is. Its none other than our Rhidian.
So I goes over, coughs, and he looks at me blankly, not recognising me. She turns around and gives it all, 'yeah, what are you lookin' at?' And I smile - I goes - 'Is that Rhidian your with there' and he's looking all blank, so she backs off and I shakes his hand and sits by him. Introduces myself. Ashanti's kind of standing alongside seeing the looks that tart had given us and arms folded starring down at her.
I holds out my hand as if to shake and say's Shazza here. He looks at this other girl, then at me. Now its fair to say we both looked fairly similar, other than the fact she had about an extra stone and a half on her arse. Longish black hair pulled back in a tight pony tail and some big goold hopes in our ears. But she was missing a tooth at the front and riddled with acne.
The penny drops don't it. So he starts spluttering, knocks his drink over and says "but she's Sharon" - she looks at him and goes "yeah love, Sharon Jones in it", so I says 'funny, I's a Sharon as well, Sharon Bates of Ely. Where's you from?"
"Riverside" she says. So I looks at Rhidian, who's now so red he's glowing brighter than the disco lights. "H'ok, I'll see you around Rhidian - I can see you's busy like" and leaves him at it. Sharon gives us a stinker of a look as we leave, her hand on Rhidian's knee so Ashanti make's to go for her. But I grabs her just in time and says don't bother. We were gone a moment later. I didn't look back.
So - that was that. Rhidian, thanks for a wonderful night. Its not like I had any expectations, I could barely remember the bloke myself. But as it turns out you did me a big favour.
From Rumours we went into town to Kiwis for some late night drinks and dancing and ended up hooking up with a couple of Rugby players who play for Cardiff Blues. They took us back to one of their flats, real posh they were, overlooking the Millennium Stadium and we had lots more booze and some hot action. Ashanti had the sofa and I went back to mine's room.
Real nice shit, he knew his stuff, silk sheets, mirrors the works. I felt like a porn star. We could of stayed over but the kids wouldn't have approved us leaving them to there own devices any longer. I wish I could remember the blokes name. He said they were playing Leeds today so I'll see if I can spot him on Scrum V. He'll be the one with a big Shazza sized smile on his face who probably ends up playing really badly 'cos his energies been sapped.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Its On - Rumours Abound!
Ok, I've decided to meet Rhidian at Club Rumours tonight. I let you know how's its gone at some point. We've exchanged emails and I's meeting him there at 11.00. Touch wood he remembers what I look like! See you later loves.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Should I?
Ok friends - Rhidian (look at the comments on the previous post) would like to meet me again, says he hasn't stopped thinking about me.
Should I meet him again as he's asked? I let you lot decide as I'm in two minds. Like I said, its a dry spell and at the end of the day second time could be a charm.
Cast your votes, and I'll decide come the weekend. Rhidian - your not allowed or your boys, ok like love? I reserve the right to ignore the result as well.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
The Morning After...
Oh my heads bangin' since this morning. Tia's been up and down the stairs with cups of Tea for me all day. Poor little girls looking a bit red with the exertion - but she could do with some exercise.
Well, I'm pleased to say I got some last night. If I could remeber his name I'd give you more details, but its fair to say I was pretty mashed. I remember he might have been a student, and his place was a bit of a hole, but it was only a few doors down from Club Rumours so I was in and out quick enough to get a taxi with Asahanti.
I don't think he was used to the punters in the club. I remember starting talking too him about the scared look on his face, him and his mate were both there for the first time. I don't think they'll be there again. Still he was eager, and he had Eminem and Tupac posters so I can tell he had some taste. It was quick and unmemorable to be honest, but a nice couple of minutes of rain in a dry spell.
I suppose its also a nice change from the married men in the back lane. Poor lad probably used to them uptight middle class student gals, the thought of being used like that by a real woman had him corked in less than two minutes. I'd barely started - but we got there in the end with some manual intervention - from what I recall.
Anyway, been lying in bed surfing around when I spotted this on one of me regular haunts. I took me a while to figure out that a Meme was something you do on the web, and not a French word for the old ladybits. I was tagged by Sara to do this, so as I were lying in bed bored, I gave it a go.
7 Things I Plan To Do:
1. Get a new sound system for the Saxo.2. See Usher live and work my way back stage.
3. Get a driving license.
4. Learn to cook chips without a Microwave.
5. Marry Johnny Depp - Or Brad or George if Johnny is unavailable. Maybe at a push Vin, also, as long as the rumours aren't true.
6. Move to the nice estates in Fairwater or Pentrebane.
7. Get out of bed.
7 Things I Can Do:
1. Keep the boys happy.
2. Take me bra of one handed beneath me Burberry top.
3. Get a refund from Primarks on stuff I never bought in the first place.
4. Not care about where I gets it as long as I do.
5. Drive a bus.
6. Park the car by reversing into a space (just).
7. Get someone to smash your kneecaps if you mess with my family.
7 Things I Can't Do:
1. Work.
2. Housework.
3. Eat healthy shit.
4. Pretend to be posh.
5. Learn from my mistakes.
6. Decent contraception routines.
7. Deny my children.
7 Things That Scare Me:
1. The stuff Nostradamus says is going to happen.
2. Anything happening to my children.
3. The DSS going out of business.
4. My car not working when I runs out of Mayfairs and Carling.
5. Being abducted by an Alien.
6. My good taste.
7. Getting caught and doing time again.
7 Random Facts About Me:
1. I love Babybel.
2. I have kissed a woman.
3. I've slept with a celebrity (in Cardiff at least).
4. I once did two men at once (and it wasn't for a film).
5. I know 3 ways to kill a man whilst having a shag.
6. I've done my own tattoos.
7. I don't like work.
7 Things I Say The Most:
1. Tia, shut the fridge!
2. No, I'd rather have the money back.
3. Wicked bra.
4. Mega lush.
5. You want it?
6. Worra dick.
7. Yes, I have been looking for work these last two weeks.
Apparently I now have to tag 7 people. It could be hard becasue none of my friends have blogs or internet and the people I'd like to read probably don't read mine. But here goes.
Dio Bach (he's the only blogger I know.
Belle De Jour
Usher
Johnny Depp (he never showed last night either)
Brad Pitt
Boris Johnson MP
George Clooney
Consider yourselves tagged.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
All A Quiver
Johnny Depp admits "Actually I find myself constantly sneaking looks at women's shoes and stockings."
Well, if he ever wants to come and look at my Ann Summers special set for 3rd date encounters then he knows where to come. He can contact me as well. Big fat Phwooooooor.
Had a small win at the Bingo Monday night so me and Asahnti's off swinging this weekend, and given the torrid tale of Sara's recent lucky score, let's just say I'm up for it (gagging 4 it in fact!!!) If Johnny wants to be at Rumours on Friday, I'll introduce myself. If not, first man to buy me a breezer and squeeze me arse akwardly gets the pleasure.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Bingo Loopy
Well, I've been having a ball on this new laptop, its so smooth. My friend Dio the site's webmaster, sent me a link to his latest site thinking I'd be interested in doing the quiz (he knows me too well...) - the result is here.
Well, fair comment I suppose. I'm not as bad as some of the ones down there, they friggin' lives there. I only goes a couple of times a week, and when I have the money. Some of 'em sell their sofas to go.
Anyway's I'll have to send him a review of the Canton Castle as I'm off there tonight with Ashanti. We're leaving the kids fend for themselves for a few hours and going for another big win (yeah - right).
I doubt he'd publish the story of when the Caller had me backstage during the main session interval one night a couple of years back. And by had I of course mean had, and by backstage, I mean backstage (but it was in the carpark). Shazza winks and nudges. His numbers came out extra smooth after, but the bugger still never gave me a win.
I think when I gets a chance I'll ask Dio to do us a quiz for this site. The Chav Test one is fine, but I'd like to see a more personal one at some point because I love doing them as much as I'm sure you would love to do mine.
Maybe I should learn to do it all myself, but looking at Dio's Bingo site I spotted you can also play online, so I may be gone sometime. Especially if I win. Wish me luck, and if you see some funny payments on your credit card - just ignore 'em.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Headmess 17: Dazza's Back
Well, been a while since I spoke to you last. To be honest its been a nightmare. One catastrophe after another so this is the first chance I've had to come here. I actually missed talking here. Anyway - cut a long story short. Dazza's back again. I've not been able to post as he stole my laptop to sell for a few flagons of White Lightening and Carling Black Label. Oh. And a Tattoo of his new girlfriend's name.
Anyways. The bastard did his usual trick of waking us all up at 2 in the morning in a drunken state, demanding somewhere to stay and having a present for Tyson (his son - unfortunately). I let him in, as usual. Tyson gave him his usual stinking look when his dad handed him a car stereo with the wires still dangling off the back where they'd been yanked out. Fair play to Tyson, he thanked his dad, dropped it in the bin and went back to bed. By which time Dazza was asleep on the kitchen table.
This was a few weeks ago now. In that time, I tried to get to the PC but found it gone. My suspicions as too its whereabouts grew when Dazza came in with carrier bags of booze and a new tattoo.
He knows he got no chance with me these days so he don't try it on. But for once he has a fairly steady missus by the sound of it. However, he turned up here because she kicked him out as she caught him sniffing around some valley's minger in Club Rumours (thankfully one night when I wasn't there).
Anyway, his Sheryl turned up and caught him with his hand up fat valley lass' skirt. There was a big punch-up amongst the ladies by all accounts, and Sheryl chucked him out as a result. I say chucked him out, more like dragged him from the club by his ear. Bang - on to my doorstep.
So yeah, suspicions aroused. He turns up with this booze. We all gets pissed and he says he's going back to Sheryl's as he can prove he luvs her as he just got a tattoo of her name on his back (there are a few crossed out already, believe me.) He's show me and I piss myself laughing. I didn't tell him why, but I'm sure she wondered who Cheril is when he showed her. It goes perfect with his homemade I Loves Mowtown tattoo on his right arm, anyway.
So I asks about the Laptop and he's like, 'oh, you didn't want it did you, I sold it...' Bastard. I went loopy. Kicked him out straight back to his Sheryl, good friggin' luck to them.
He does my head in, GAHHH! Why do I let him in? Tyson is quite good though, he gets down initially but then stays away as much as possible when Dazza's here - he can't stand the man. In fact, Tyson must have been really pissed off for me, as the little sweetheart has borrowed a laptop off another of his friends. Says I can use it indefinitely. He's a good one. Nothing like his dad.
