Monday, November 28, 2005
Skating (N' Shaggin') In A Winter Wonderland
Wooooo, my feet ain't touched the floor since last week. What a wicked weekend. Friday night me and Shant's had a game of Bingo down the Canton Castle, we both had a line each (Bingo silly) and I got a crisp £50 and she got £100 on the big house's line. Well worth braving the snow and ice for.
We had a quiet night after the game because we had a big Saturday lined up as well. A few cans in Ashanti's kitchen - a drunken heart to heart over her ongoing affair with Mr Smith the teacher and a best of UB40 on the old stereo. We ended up crying because we loved Ali Campbell as kids but never got back stage at one of their gigs.
It was wicked - but her kids did look pissed off when we chucked them out of the living room, interrupting them watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre on the DVD so we could use the really big stereo. It's wicked, big speakers that look like top zorsts and built in disco lights. All we'd have needed were some drunken married men groping our arses and it would have been as good as Rumours.
Saturday we'd arranged to go to the wicked Winter Wonderland outside City Hall, we took the kids - so it was just as well we won the bingo as it was a flamin' rip-off.
We had a laugh there though, but Tia ended up crying because everyone kept calling her the Suger Plum Fairy and there was more aggro when one of the staff tried to drag two of Shant's kids off for knocking over other kids. It could of sullied the day but it was near the end so we told them to eff off and we left in protest, flicking v's and knocking over chairs and stuff. Wicked laugh.
It was Tea-time so we sent the kids home in a taxi (thank you Castle Bingo) and went to watch the match in the Walkabout which we won. I'd have thought we'd get stuffed by the ozzies but my boys came through. so we celebrated hard, ended up in Kiwi's (still avoiding Rumours because of Rhidian) and caught on with two fellas.
Both were married so we ended up round the back of the CIA, freezing our arses off in the sub-zero temperatures before me and 'Shants fell drunkly and barely satisfied into a taxi to whisk us back to Ely. To top it all the driver made us pay-up front when we told him Ely. He said where "you going?" We said "home!" and laughed our heads off. He said "which caravan park's that then?" Cheeky bugger. Ashanti pissed on his seat in revenge.
Spent yesterday recovering and chilling out, mainly explaining to Tia that Sugar Plum fairies are good. To be honest though I'm a bit itchy downstairs, so I hope I've not got another bout of the dreaded. At least I knows wheres I got it and who to avoid next time.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Tyson's Choking His Chicken All Day Long
Well, its been a busy while around here since I last spoke - the Christmas preperations are in full swing. I's been stocking up on vol-au-vonts and sausage rolls like Kerry Katona. The Freezer is bulging already and its not even December yet. I'll have to let Tia have a go soon, make some space for more.
And I've been disappointed to see that Tyson has been choking his chicken with an alarming frequency, usually in front of us all, or in the window to his friends.
I was going to get one of these for me boy for Christmas, but one of his rich friends gave him one for nothing (or so he tells me) and he's been at it more than he did when the Charlotte Church's Crazy Chick single came out. Fortunately this version only depletes the double As and not the Kleenex supply.
It's lush, you ring its neck and its eyes bulge and its legs kicks. Its a bit like how I imagine Ashanti's current bloke looks when she goes on top. They're still going strong, but I don't know what excuses he'll have for his wife come the Christmas Holiday.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Recent Romance Gossip
Ok, so I mentioned Ashanti's new fella a while back, she's told me a bit more about him since, and as I suspected, he's a married man. She says its purely sexual, but I knows what'll 'appen, he'll fall besotted with her and she'll flick him away when she's fed up.
Apparently he's a teacher from Fairwater, the only reason he was at the Michaelston was according to 'Shants that its the only pub in a five mile radius he can drink in without bumping into any of his pupils. Apparently she chatted him up as well, practically dragged him into the car park and its been shagtastic ever since (cowbag).
She sounds happy though, for the moment, he's there two or three times a week judging by the groans. Apparently he tells his wife he's down the gym having a workout. Ashanti makes one hell of a push-up machine, so its not a real lie I don't suppose.
I've still not got to meet him, I suppose they's keeping it private. As for my dry spell, since Mr Cardiff Blue a few weeks ago the only romance I've been having is the constant stream of Emails from Rhidian. Its getting a bit worrying. I wish he'd stop (hopefully he'll read this and come to his senses). I have to keep deleting comments he makes here and now he's gone and done this.
Rhidian, one last time - just stop. I'm not going to be at rumours for a while so don't keep turning up and hoping I'll be there. I won't. You're a student and you needs to save your monies for the draw and them Renault Clio modifications you wants. You will not meet Shazza again. Nor will you get my address. Just stop it.
The only other romance I'm enjoying at the moment has been Sara's ongoing affair with that posh fella James. That sounds a bit ropey now as well so it seems I will soon loose that thrill and all. It just not on, I needs a man.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Happy Christmas!
Hooray! My favourite time of year. Now that Bonfire Night is out of the way, its officially Christmas. We spent yesterday with Now Christmas blaring out of the stereos as we did the house up for the festive season. We're a bit late this year being one of the last few in our street to do it. We'll be doing Ashanti's tonight and the goth family will probably not bother again (letting the side down, miserable gits).
After the crappy weekend with the weather, lack of shags and losing miserably to that New Zealand team from South America in the rugby, doing the decorations proved a tonic. The house looks wicked now with all the glowing rope and Santas we got for the front form Hyper Value last week. I wants one of them inflatable Santas as well, but they're a bit pricey. Next year maybe.
I have some top gossip updates for you as well, on Ashanti's new fella and recent things since the whole Rhidian mess around, but I'll tell you about them later.
To get you in the Christmas spirit, Chav Mum reader Deanna Mascle has sent us a nice little Chritstmas trivia quiz for your entertainment. She loves trivia so much she runs Trivia By Dawggone and two trivia ezines, Fun Trivia Online and Trivia Tidbit.
She used my brand new contact page to send us the quiz. That's right, you can now email me. So if you has some wicked gossip or mingin' stories you want to share then drop us a line. And on that note that's the end of the site tartin' up for now.
I can smell the Turkey Twizzlers already! Altogether now. Oh I wish it could be Christmas everyday... Hooray! I'm off to Argos tomorrow to start the Christmas shopping. Can't wait!
Friday, November 04, 2005
Are You A Chav Mum?
Well, as promised, Dio has sorted me out my own Chav Mum quiz. Now you can see if you is fit to walk into the Grand Avenue Post Office with your head held high like what I does.
The more posh of you will notice the that we used the Ashanti look-alike from that Chav bashing show on the BBC called Big England or something. I still don't know anyone on my estate who'd watch it, let alone the BBC.
Still, its nice to get something out of the flamin' license fee. Tries it, see if you are a Chav Mum then stick it on your website like a nice piece of graphical bling to be pround of. Wicked.
