Saturday, December 31, 2005
Shazza's In The Big Issue
But don't panic! I's not homeless or anything, which is what I thought you had to be to be in it, in it!
Greg the journalist left Shazza a note on a previous post to say I was in this week's copy of the magazine. To start with I panicked as I thought I had to be homeless to be in there, and maybe they knew something the Council Housing people hadn't told me. Thankfully he set my mind straight as you don't have to be homeless to be featured.
It seems you has to be homeless to sell it though, which must pay wicked 'cos the bloke I bought my copy off had a wicked mobile phone and some lush Reeboks. He didn't look happy when he got off the phone to his mum to sell me one.
Not to worry though, I got me copy for posterity! Maybe this caring Liberal government give homeless people extra giro or something? I wonders if I can sign-up for it myself and still keep the Council House, I could do with a new Nokia.
I gets a mention in a section about Welsh Blogs, where he says I'm a bit fish and chips, but its wicked as it the first time I've seen something about myself in print that hasn't also had the words reward or wanted attached to them. It made me feel special like to be named in such company. If you's interested its Issue 461 with some awful Gothic Punks called the strokes on the front looking like they wished they had the R Kelly style going on.
But don't worry folks, when I's famous I'll still be here to talk to you - I's got to keep it real somehow. I's just about to get out now with Ashanti, so have a wicked New Year's Eve all!
Friday, December 30, 2005
Happy New Year!
What a wicked time, me head hasn't touched the ground all week! I's not stopped what with the partying, the sales shopping and the drinking. Christmas was wicked, we had a slap up meal, then spent the evening drunked up as we started the Twelve Bottles of New Year with some Thunderbird and Barcardi.
I was in Hyper Value then Boxing Day making the most of the half price sale. Got some bargains for next year and a complete new set of dinner plates to replace the ones me and Ashanti smashed the night before (long story, to much booze and a silly argument - we's friends now though).
They had loads of chocolate selection boxes for 50p each, still had a few days date on them so I got a ton for Tia with the tenner she had off the bloke who thinks he's her dad, she's had a brown face ever since bless her.
I just wanted to shout Happy New Year to all the friends I've made doing this crazy blog thing, to all the people who've said hello and you know's who you is. As for the haterz, well, you can all kiss my sweaty fanny alan - I's not here to care what you think, I's just here to tell it like it is on da street.
I may be a bit pished up at the moment but I just wanted to say I loves you all. If I could throw my arms around the world and hug you all I would. In fact I am, right now, you feel it? You just got a piece of Shazza lovin. And it didn't cost you nothing. That's the spirit of New Year for you.
Me and Shant's is living it up in Rumours for NYE tomorrows. I's up for it so say hello, and you may get to see the New Year in with a bang. Wicked. Luv you all you lush bods. Peace.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
On The Fifth Day Of Christmas, We Shopped
Oh, my head's bangin' this morning, we're over half way through our twelve bottles of Xmas. Last night it was Southern Comfort and Kahlua. Got to decide what we is having tonight as well, it's my turn to choose. I'm thinking Captain Morgan and a MD 20/20 Kiwi Fruit, it should hit the spot.
I had to get up early this morning, as it was time to go get some food in for the big day. We wanted only the finest and the freshest so we took Kerry Katona's advice and went to the Iceland, the one in Canton. Farm Foods was closer but they never have as good bargains as Iceland.
I dragged Tyson along to help me get the stuff we needed ready for the slap-up on Sunday. Christmas is the only time I do a full roast and cook vegetables, so it has to be special and nice and fresh. We got a nice Bernard Matthews Turkey Roast - just right for the three of us and some frozen roasties and Yorkshire pudding. We also got three Sara Lee chocolate gateauxs, a Vientta and a 24 pack of Pringles tubs. Its going to be a wicked meal.
Best of all, we got a 5 trays of Carling and a ltr and a half of Bells, so we will be full of the old festive spirit on the day. My mouth is watering already. Tyson had a spare iPod shuffle as when he got mine he said it was Buy One get One Free, so he flogged the spare one to a mate and gave me the money to get him the Carling. Thoughtful boy.
I'm going back to bed for an hour now. Its back out later to get booze for tonight and some last minute treats for the family.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Burning Down The House
Flamin' hell's bells! What a nightmare I had last night. Me and 'Shants had been on the pop big style, talking about her fella - 'aving a real 'art to 'art. We'd just started our traditional twelve bottles of Christmas, where's we get tipsy on a different bottle of spirits every night up to Christmas Eve. Then we starts on the twelve bottles of New Year. Wicked.
Anyway, we finished off a bottle of vodka and ASBOcat and got dancing to some smooth Usher tunes. Ashanti tried to light a fag and tripped. Her zippo caught the Hyper Value decos and went up like the Noncefield Oil Depot on the news. Took the curtains with 'em as well.
Luckily Tyson had just hauled himself in from the garage, saw the smoke and threw some buckets of water over them whilst me and Shant's sat laughin' our 'eads of at the display. Could have been nasty really but we was well mashed. Just as well I took the battery out of the smoke alarm as it could have woken Tia up as well.
So, with a minging 'ead and a decoration shopping list, I's just off into Canton to get some more shinys from Hyper Value and a bottle of Pernod And Vodka from the Tesco Metro. Just as well I's had a few quid left from the Bingo as I'd be skint now otherwise. I'll try not to burn Chez Shaz down tonight either.
Monday, December 12, 2005
The True Spirit Of Christmas
With the mad rush to getting wicked presents, lovely grub and a right royal booze-up, its easy to forget the true meaning of Christmas. Let's not forget that we do it to celebrate the birth of Baby St Nicholas, the saint.
He gave his toys away for free which was unheard of in the 1700s and because he did he saved the life of Tiny Tim, who grew up to be Jesus which is why them Christian types also celebrate. Really they should have called it Nicholasmas as he was born in the 1700s, whilst Jesus wasn't born until the 1800s so is a lot younger (despite being a 100 more years bigger.)
St Nicholas grew up and went on to form the Woolworth group. Their generosity went on to be reflected in their cheap prices and free offers. He grew older and wiser and was famed for his white beard and wisdom - it was he who inspired St Michael and St Sparks to start their chain of stores from a stable in Bethlehem.
Its a bit bad how them Christian types have tried to make everyone feel bad about having a bangin' time come Christmas, but its fair to see they was jealous that St Nicholas gave more stuff away before Jesus. The best thing he could do at Christmas was turn the loafs and fishes into a slap-up spread with endless fountains of Carling for the poor people. It was a good one-off, but St Nicholas gave stuff away year on year and so was more popular with the people.
Take no notice when Christians try to put the Christ into Christmas, and bask in the goodness of knowing that thanks to St Nicholas, this is the one time of the year when its OK to take, take, take, to drink, drink, drink and have fun, fun, fun!
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Go Go Chav Gadget
Tyson says he wants to get me a ipod shuffle for Christmas, I think ipod will be the new logo for 2006 as I'm starting to hear about how all me friends and that want them, and I've heard people ask Dave the Carrier Bag if they could get 'em one in the pub.
I did a web search around for 'em and saw that indeed they are a wicked must have for the finest of us chavs this year, according to The Sun. So I said yes please!
He reckons I could get like about 10 CDs on to it and wear it around my neck. I'm a bit worried I'm going to end up looking like Flavor Flav though, which was a laugh for us all in the 80s, but its a bit retro now like. It must be massive to fit 10 CDs in it, I bet they stack rather than go length ways, otherwise it'd be down to the floor! I'm excited now, I can have UB40 on the move all day long. Ali's bits between me... Let's not go there. All together now. Hip! Hip! Ip - odd! Hip! Hip! Ip - odd!
