Take The Test To See If You Is A Chavster Mum

Is you fit to rear a parent to full Chav-hoodie-dom or are your kids going to be spoilt and call everyone sir and madam? Try Shazza's fun little test to see if you're welcome in Chez Shazza or if you'd be better of booking a room at the Cardiff Hilton.

BE TRUTHFUL! Choose the option closest to your true feelings / behaviour / instincts if you wants to really see what you's like. Blokes can do it too if they wants, but if you is a true Chav Dad, you won't know the first thing about kids so won't be likely to score too highly.

Question: I cook for the kids.

When the microwave is broken or the chip shop's shut.
As often as possible.
We don't cook, we have people for that.

Question: Yay, I'm out on the town tonight!

Hope the kids don't wreck the house.
Hope the babysitter's not late.

Question: You have decided to sell some of the children's toys

They don't play with them anymore.
They still play with them but I need money for Bingo tonight.
I wouldn't sell them, I'd Freecycle them, think of the planet!

Question: Your children all spring from the same gene pool, is it?

The city and surrounding district's gene pool.
Your partner's and your gene pool.

Question: You are extra careful and practice safe sex.

You lock the bedroom door and turn the stereo up.
Both you and you partner take precautions.

Question: The rhythm method is?

When you have sex and do it to some kicking Drum N Bass.
To be avoided as a form of contraception, way too dicey.

Question: Your car says a lot about you and your tastes.

Its a family friendly road beast with competitive full consumption.
Its a 3-Door with some extra trims and modifications and big phat zorst!
What car? Think of the planet!

Question: Your child is playing up in the middle of Tesco.

You remain calm, ignore the crying and wait till the tantrum passes.
You drag it screaming up the aisle and give it a good cuff.

Question: Style is?

Twenty mayfair lights, some Burberry and the tightest ponytail you can imagine.
An ephemeral concept worth only following if you can follow it well.

Question: Wealth is something to aspire too...

But in the meantime I'll just give the impression of it with big arsed jewellery.
But not something I'd cling too if it meant losing the respect of my family.

Question: Choose one.

Johnny Walker Black Label.
Carling Black Label.

Question: Tomato Ketchup, Beans and Chips.

Heinz and McCains.
Own brand and value.

Question: A healthy meal for my family constitutes...

Walking to the chip shop instead of taking the car.
Meat, steamed fresh veg and some nice fruit for afters.

Question: Choose one.

Plastered!
Minging!
How is this relevant?

Question: When planning for a new child, what do you take into account?

The affect on your family and finances and the planet.
How much extra the DSS will give us.

Question: Driving the kids to school should involve.

Drive them, no, no, we all walk together to keep us fit.
Two near misses, a smoke and three mobile phone calls.

Question: Choose one.

Wicked.
Lush.
How is this relevant?

Question: My ideal man...

Sticks around.
Sticks it in.

Question: Ironing the clothes...

What's an iron?
Not for me.

Question: Romance is...

A commodity we could do with more of around here.
Not holding my head under the duvet when he's farted.

Question: Favourite outdoors location for the weekend

Behind Club Rumours on a Friday night.
A secluded Lovers lane out in the countryside.

Question: Choose one.

House work.
No work.

Question: You always run out of fags because.

You smoked them all.
Your kids smoked them all.
I don't smoke, think of the planet!

Question: Primarks

Love it!
Where?

Question: Choose one.

Blue lights.
Red lights.

Question: Which is more hassle?

Walking to work.
Parking a car.
Keeping up with the forum at Net Mums

Question: And finally.

This quiz will give me an accurate indication of my character.
This quiz distracted me from work for 5 minutes.

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